Getting married is a very special moment for anyone involved, but especially special for the bride. Many women dream of their wedding day and starting a family with their soulmate. However, once they get married, their lives change. For women who get married and still have a bunch of friends who are single, it can be hard for them to understand the complexities of marriage and starting a family. For those who are married, you know how it can be—your single friends want to go out, go on vacations, and constantly do things spontaneously, not realizing that a marriage is between two people who make decisions together. Therefore, it’s difficult for some married women to have their single friends understand all of their “new life” changes.
Recently, BuzzFeed asked their female users who are married to share the one thing they wish they could tell their single friends about marriage and daily life. While some women focus on the changes you undergo when getting married, others had some brilliant life-long advice for new married women to follow.
Please understand if we’re busy and on our time off we want to hang out with our spouse. I’ve went to considerably less girls nights since I’ve been married, not because I don’t enjoy hanging out with them, but because I want to spend time with my husband when I can.
Getting married and having a family is wonderful. However, I had to move when I got married. This created an emotional (and quite literal) distance between my single friends and me. The reality is: You gain a lot when you get married, but you also lose some things too. It can become a brand new environment. But still, my single friends need to know that I haven’t forgotten them.
When I say I need to check with my partner, it’s not because I need “permission”. We do things as a team, it’s important for us to run plans past each other to keep our family running smoothly and to show we respect each other.
Marriage is not romance and roses everyday. Marriage is choosing someone and making the effort to be the pest person possible for them especially when it’s really hard.
That marriage doesn’t magically change your relationship. People always ask how’s married life and honestly it’s the same just with different titles and as with all relationships, it’s work.
We may vent about our spouses but that doesn’t mean we have a bad marriage. It just means we need to vent, or talk through a problem with someone so we can find a solution or figure out how we feel about it. Don’t make assumptions about my marriage because I need to talk or vent about one of my husband’s annoying habits.
Try not to judge your friends when they already have plans with their spouse and can’t hang out with you. Just because we live together doesn’t mean we always spend fun, quality time together. Many people marry their best friends, and we want to hang out with them, too!
My marriage isn’t perfect because I talk about all the great things. It’s also not terrible when I talk about all the bad things. People tend to talk about the extreme highs and the extreme lows. You need somewhere to vent when bad things happen and someone to be happy with you when the good things happen.
Just because I’m married does not mean I need to be with my husband 24/7. Please still invite me to girls night out and brunch. I don’t want my husband to be my only friend.
To single friends who want to stay single: do you! I want to hear about your exploits and gossip with you and go to bars and hang out with you just like before.
To single friends looking for “the one”: ignore all the cutesy quotes and people telling you what marriage and love are “absolutely” like. Every person is different and every relationship is different. The only way to go wrong is if there is abuse or neglect. Marry the person you can’t imagine your life without. Or at least, the one you don’t WANT to imagine life without.
Don’t just marry someone because things are always great with them 100% of the time and they make you the happiest you’ve ever been. Marry someone that you’ve gone through hell AND BACK with because chances are you’ll hit tough times again and you’ll know they’ll still be there when it’s over.
Just because I’m married, doesn’t mean that I am going to have kids! And it’s rude to ask!
Marriage is an ever changing beast. As you grow your desires and dreams for your life may change. Your partner is learning how to grow with you and that process looks different for everyone. No person comes with instructions. Our emotions change and so do our looks/bodies. It’s all a part of life that can’t be ignored by your partner. Their response to life’s situations will be different than yours and figuring out life’s complexities are hard. Marriage that lasts a long time are about two people who commit to working alongside the crazy ride of life.
Stop saying that we are your relationship goals. That puts undue pressure on us and makes it seem as though marriage is easy. It is not. It is work.
I want you to tell me if I’m not there enough. My marriage is obviously extremely important to me…. but without friends you have NOTHING. If you need me, please ask me. I value being a good friend just as much if not more than being a good wife. No I don’t want to go bar hopping on a Saturday night, but I WILL if you need me too,m and probably love every minute of it.
You don’t feel like a third wheel to us when you hang out with me and my husband. Or with us and other couples. We still want you around. Also, my husband is my best friend and while I still want to hang out with you one and one, I really want my friends to also be friends with my spouse. So sometimes we’re a joint package.
Love isn’t this high you ride your whole life with your spouse. It gets hard and the best way to combat divorce is knowing that going it. Marriage is choosing to commit to that person because you love them in a different way even when butterflies come and go. Even when the feelings are gone the best thing I’ve found is to start treating one another like you’re still dating- if you used to bring them ice cream randomly, or light the room with candles… the hard part is doing it when you truly don’t want to.
Marriage is not an end goal. Being married doesn’t solve all your problems. Stop fantasizing that if you were only married, life would be better. Yes, sometimes it’s nice to have my husband to come home to.
Marriage is work especially when both people are dealing with mental health illnesses. I know work sounds like a bad thing but it’s not. It’s working on ourselves and relationship that will enrich us and help us continue to grow as individuals as well as in our relationship. Being vulnerable has helped us come a long way. Understanding their mental health is important too and makes them feel validated. At the end of the day my spouse is my best friend.
A wedding rarely solves any problems. If you and your partner have an issue while dating, it will most likely be there after the wedding day. You should talk about everything before you get married so that there are no surprises later. Do you want kids and how many? What do you consider to be cheating? ? How do they want to be buried? Who gets the dog if you break up? What happens if one of you ends up on life support? Will you tell your children santa is real or fake? Just everything you can think of should have been decided before you say I do.