Any parent will agree that kids these days are growing up way too fast. Whether they’re taking imaginary phone calls from their demanding bosses named Johnson or they’re more concerned with Wifi passwords than small talk, kids seem to be acting more and more like tiny little adults.
These hilarious tweets are definitive proof that kids today are getting too old too quickly and we don’t know what to do besides laugh about it.
1. This kid who has their priorities in order:
Fake phone call I overheard my 6-yr-old niece having: "No, I'm not a kid. I work at a museum and I would like a latte."
— Anna Hezel (@HezelAnna) June 23, 2017
2. These children who don’t waste time with small talk:
My cousin: [to my kids] omg you guys have grown so much! How old are you now?
6: What's your wifi password?
— Anna Grace (@graceupongracie) July 6, 2016
3. This kid who knows he has to watch out for #1:
the little boy i tutor sneezed n said "bless u" and i was like "did u just bless yourself" and he was like "ya who else will" what a concept
— tasmi (@tasmiimlak) May 6, 2017
4. This 4-year-old who is wise beyond his years:
4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) February 7, 2015
5. This toddler who doesn’t have time for your games:
Me: Guess what time it is?
6-year-old: I don't have to guess. I can read the clock.
Me: It's time to clean your room.
6: No, it's 2:45.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2016
6. A 4-year-old who’s constantly being pestered by his boss:
My 4 year old kid doesn't have an imaginary friend, he has an imaginary boss. He takes imaginary phone calls from his imaginary boss and has one-sided, exasperated conversations. We asked him once if his boss had a name and without missing a beat he said "Johnson."
— בנימן טבלוב | Benjamin (@bentev28) May 5, 2019
7. This little girl who takes grocery shopping very seriously:
My daughter brings a checklist to stores now and just makes random checks. It makes everyone uncomfortable. pic.twitter.com/UgHJ4eIDSc
— Bottlerocket (@bottlerocket) September 25, 2016
8. This savage 5-year-old who knows a hard job when he sees one:
I was doing an activity with my 5-year-old and then told him I had to go back to work and he said “Okay, go touch your letters daddy.” which is such an amazing burn. “Must be exhausting touching that keyboard all day. Did you hit all the letters yet? You’ve had all day.”
— Chris Hallbeck (@ChrisHallbeck) February 7, 2018
9. This career-driven toddler:
My 3yo said she wanted to be an astronaut, and I said she had to study hard, go to college, learn a lot of science, and take a physical fitness test, and she shrugged and said, "That's just 4 things." So she's basically a nonchalant motivational speaker.
— jendziura (@jendziura) February 15, 2018
10. This kid’s birthday card for his dad that tells it how it is:
— Brian Sack (@brian_sack) October 5, 2015
11. This 5-year-old who isn’t trying to waste your time:
My 5yo on her 1st day of K: "They asked me to count as high as I could. I could've done 200, but I didn't want to waste anyone's time."
— Bridget Liszewski (@BridgetOnTV) August 26, 2017
12. A newborn who is already over your BS:
This baby a whole 7 mins old and already fed up with life pic.twitter.com/tG90C9rkqT
— `~’ (@FreeLaddin) June 27, 2014
13. This practical drama student:
I lead the after-school drama club at my kid's school. A 1st gr said, "Can you teach me how to act like I'm listening when my dad talks?"
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 1, 2016
14. This brilliant negotiator:
Daughter just told me, "Dad, I don't make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches."
One day her picture will be on money.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 24, 2014
15. A 3-year-old who is too busy for cuddles:
3yo: “You need to get your cuddles from someone else I am REALLY busy and you’ve already had enough”
I didn’t birth you for such rejection
— Leena (@LeenaVanD) November 24, 2016
16. This very literal toddler:
Yesterday my 3 year old told his Grandma that he wasn't in an old picture because he was still swimming in his daddy's balls #shitmykidsays
— Chris Whittle (@cwhittle24) June 11, 2015
17. This little girl who always gets it in writing:
My 6yo got herself dressed then walked around the house making us all sign a paper agreeing that her outfit looked good.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 7, 2017
18. This kiddo who is too old to be mom’s friend:
"Mom, you were my best friend until I actually got friends" #shitmykidsays 😒
— Bobeli (@MichelleBobeli) February 13, 2015
19. This little grownup who knows where the knives are:
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."
— jess (@jessokfine) June 29, 2015
20. A toddler with his very own agent:
My son used to have an imaginary agent he’d argue with. It was always over money.
— YourFavBlackAuntie (@greendoondoon) May 5, 2019
21. This 5-year-old who knows how the world works:
Whenever my husband or I use the term “friend from work” my almost 5 year old exclaims “coworkers are not friends!” We still have no idea where it’s coming from. 🤷🏻♀️
— Sarah (@sarahflo8611) May 8, 2019
22. This genius little woman:
6: Daddy, I'm mad at you.
Me: What for?
6: I'm not telling you.
She's already a woman.
— Ricardo 'Rich' Cromwell (@rcromwell4) March 3, 2016
23. A toddler with high aspirations:
Fully expecting a few carefully worded questions at the next parents' night. pic.twitter.com/vql21wkgAf
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) April 13, 2016
24. This 5-year-old who has conflict resolution all figured out:
5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down"
So, yeah, she's mine.
— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) June 14, 2016
25. And finally, this kid who knows the best music comes from pain:
Me: How was your day?
9yr old: Not good
Me: Wanna talk
9yr old: I just want to play piano, it will help
*pounds away mary had a little lamb*
— Ijeoma Oluo (@IjeomaOluo) March 23, 2017