Some people dream of the day they will move in with their significant other. Others curse the day they ever decided to do so. Either way, living with your significant other is a wonderful, hellish, beautiful situation that can go from happy to miserable in under 6 minutes.
Don’t believe me? You try coming home from a night out, looking forward to eating the leftover buffalo wings you left in the fridge only to find your boyfriend on the couch devouring them. Or, try going to the bathroom in the middle of the night only to fall ass-first into the toilet because your boyfriend didn’t put the seat down. Or, try walking in your puppy’s fresh pile of sh*t because your boyfriend was too lazy to get up and clean up the poop.
Yeah, that kind of beautiful hell.
I moved in with my girlfriend after 1 year. People say we’re rushing in but we’re both so in love with saving $900/mo.
— Matthew Broussard (@mondaypunday) July 4, 2017
Being married means every day is an episode of Amazing Race Couples Edition – only it’s just me trying to find stuff my husband misplaced while he is behind me yelling “you threw it away didn’t you?”
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) November 15, 2017
Before you marry someone, sit next to them on the couch and try to watch your favorite show while they eat a bowl of cereal.
If you still want to marry that slurping animal, congratulations- you have found your person.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 26, 2018
i married for love
but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) February 7, 2018
Long-term relationships are basically sending messages like this from the grocery store back and forth forever. pic.twitter.com/2vUs6z9p3u
— Cait Mac 👩🏻💻 (@Cmac8) December 22, 2016
Writing a love poem called “Put the Dishes in the Dishwasher, but Not Like That.”
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 15, 2017
my boyfriend asked me what i wanted to eat & i said i don’t know & this what he brings me. 🙄 pic.twitter.com/JQcMQvloED
— atalya🇰🇭 (@chopstckss) June 28, 2016
The best thing you can do for your marriage is sleep with separate comforters.
— not the WORST mom 🤷🏽♀️ (@nottheworstmom) March 9, 2018
Our toilet seat broke and I let my boyfriend pick out the new one pic.twitter.com/f3SLMR3yhL
— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) January 14, 2017
Sometimes marriage is about love & compromise other times it’s about letting the garbage get so full & seeing who will cave first.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 11, 2015
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 2, 2014
Husband: are you cooking something?
Me: of course not
Husband: the oven timer just went off
Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer
— the tanya (@atanya1111) June 19, 2013
Its so crazy to me to think that my boyfriend existed & had a life before he met me like how did he live without me all those years dam
— BELA (@isabelaseraffim) July 3, 2017
“5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you”
“eat all the leftovers again and i will end you”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
Me from my coffin to my husband: “Did you take out the recycling?”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 8, 2018
Is ya boyfriend even ya boyfriend if he doesn’t constantly lie on your hair and rip it out your skull
— A M Y (@itsamylloyd) February 7, 2017
When he stops cuddling u & sleeps facing the other way pic.twitter.com/cKUAh9qux8
— Soysauce Shawty (@SoysauceShawty) January 31, 2017
We keep our marriage classy by texting each other instead of shouting through walls while we’re home.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) June 27, 2017
Just regaled my wife with a story about a grocery coupon that should have worked but didn’t but then the guy got it to work after all.
Don’t tell me the spark is gone.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) February 28, 2018
My wife cleaned the house all day and now we have to go live in a hotel.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 6, 2018
Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
— Rock🇺🇸 (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
[cleaning out our bedroom]
Me: Half of this stuff is junk we don’t need.
Wife: The other half is mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 4, 2018
Husband 1st year of marriage: I don’t want a TV in bedroom & let’s not eat in bed.
Me 14th year of marriage: hahahahahahahahahhahahahahaha
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) October 7, 2016
*watching husband sleep*
Me: “I just love him so much, he’s my everyth-”
Me: “I can’t live like this.”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
What makes marriage so different from being single is that when you need emotional support, you have someone right there to tell you to stop talking during their favorite show.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 1, 2018
a long term relationship means hearing “let me empty my butt before you shower” while still finding that other person sexually attractive
— Matt O’Brien (@matt_obrien) December 15, 2013