The new year is upon us, bringing with it the feeling of a clean slate and a renewed optimism about the future. Maybe. Or maybe for you, it’s just same old, same old.
This is the time of year that a lot of people take stock of their lives and decide what they want to improve. They attempt to break bad habits and form new ones. Does it work? Results vary.
Over on Twitter, people made jokes about their New Year’s Resolutions ranging from humorous takes on real resolutions to straight up silliness.
My resolution for 2019 is to eat less spiders in my sleep.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) December 19, 2018
I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I think my New Year’s Resolution is to spend most of 2019 in a kaftan.
— Vikki Stone (@vikkistone) December 31, 2018
My New Year’s resolution is to have eyebrows as symmetrical as a Wes Anderson movie
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 31, 2018
My New Years Resolution's to keep kicking ass & taking names because detailed record-keeping is important.
— Janine Brito (@janinebrito) December 30, 2018
Still rocking out my only successful New Year’s resolution, now over three years old: when I wake up in the night and need to go to the bathroom, I gotta do it RIGHT AWAY, no dawdling and wondering if I REALLY need to, and this has brought me a lot of satisfaction.
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) December 22, 2018
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— Ruin My Week (@RuinedWeek) December 31, 2018
looking forward to ruining new year’s eve by telling everyone my resolution is to not have any of my parents die
— mr grace mugabe (@mattvbrady) December 24, 2018
Me in 2019: New year new me!!
Also me: pic.twitter.com/8yHW2hJu8n
— Billy Lewis (@billy_lewis19) December 30, 2018
My resolution for 2019 is to do so much yoga that my friends start to hate me for it
— Megan MacKay (@mmmegan) December 29, 2018
My resolution: Bring ska back in 2019
— Steve Kovach (@stevekovach) December 31, 2018
My only resolution for 2019: to stop dating men who have the emotional intelligence of a baked potato
— Andrew (@andrew_heying) December 30, 2018