Just when we thought we’d escaped 2018 without being subjected to yet another grotesquery, Twitter user Jayden Paynne dropped the following video on his account. The caption reads, “idk what i thought a turtle’s penis looked like… but it definitely wasn’t this 😂🐢” and honestly needs no further explanation besides: DUDE, CAUTION.
I’m serious. Proceed at your own risk. The viscera of what you are about to watch cannot be explained by words; if a picture is worth a thousand of them, this video is worth millions. It cannot be forgotten. You’ve been warned.
idk what i thought a turtle’s penis looked like… but it definitely wasn’t this 😂🐢 pic.twitter.com/SvJY4d8T62
— Jayden Paynne 🌶 (@JaydenPaynne) December 29, 2018
The video garnered over 55,000 likes and nearly 35,000 comments upon its Twitter debut three days before the start of the new year. Reactions were, unsurprisingly, shocked, outraged, and nauseated.
— Marie Le Conte (@youngvulgarian) January 2, 2019
— kayla (@DeadBdiesDavis) January 1, 2019
— c u t e s t (@iamjulesme) January 2, 2019
— bazinga (@juilliannn) January 2, 2019
i could have gleefully gone about my whole life without seeing this but now i am scarred, thanks I hate it
— lilywhitelies (@lillylenora27) January 2, 2019
And while some were grossed out, others felt as though it was cruel to force dude-turtle to pull out like that for the mere purpose of human entertainment.
the heck??? can yall just let them be and mate?????!!!!! https://t.co/crIMpKs4Vo
— 𝓰𝓪𝓫𝓫𝔂 (@laurengabyannaa) January 2, 2019
Isnt this animal abuse https://t.co/SMw2hADhAl
— moolats (@izzatznl) January 2, 2019
Wow, inside the babe, doing his business and some asshole makes you pull out. This is the roomates lament.
— Christopher Titus (@TitusNation) January 2, 2019
idk im kind of annoyed that they disturbed him while he was having his fun 🙁 https://t.co/IYh9hcKzJm
— polf (@DarkMatter297) January 2, 2019
Yo he's got a HAMMER. G-spot accuracy 100% / stroke boi goddamn. Good for him.😂 https://t.co/FCE0hegBb2
— J3$ŠË (@JesseBrown__14) January 2, 2019
I have never been more disgusted in my life… WHY IS THE TIP SO INFLATED AND WHY DOES IT DEFLATE?! https://t.co/nP5ik5daKK
— Lars Speed 😎 (@LarsR131313) January 2, 2019
So, there you have it. Also, this is technically a tortoise and not a turtle, but who cares? Now you saw it, and you’ll never be able to unsee it. Happy 2019!