Whenever you enter any relationship, you feel uneasy in the beginning. You’re nervous, you get butterflies, you have anxieties, it’s only natural that you would feel this way when you’re getting to know somebody and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable around them. As you progress in your relationship, your anxieties start to fade away – you begin to feel more comfortable and let your guard down around this person. When you enter the stage of being together “long-term,” you finally see that you’re your most comfortable self around this person—they just get you. But, the longer you stay with someone long-term, the more comfortable you become. You start to become dependant on them for certain things, they become part of your everyday routines—you’re not sure what your life would be like if they weren’t there.
But, the longer you stay with someone long-term, the more comfortable you become. You start to become dependant on them for certain things, they become part of your everyday routines—you’re not sure what your life would be like if they weren’t there. And, because of this, we start to confuse the feelings of being in love and just being comfortable in a relationship with someone.
Often times, the spark in a relationship may fade away and things may chip away at the “love” you once had for your partner. Maybe it’s arguments you’ve had, things that have happened, realizations you have made over time. But, because you are so comfortable in your everyday life with your partner there, you don’t really realize that you’re not truly in love with them anymore. Sure, not every relationship is going to be fireworks and sparks every single moment of every single day but, if you’ve lost that “loving feeling,” altogether, it’s a sure sign that you’re with someone out of convenience and comfort, rather than true love. There are several ways you can really figure out if it’s love or comfort in your specific relationship, without having to completely break yourself apart.
1. Excitement vs. Indifference:
Now, I’m aware that not every relationship is exciting after 2, 3, 4 years all the time. But, there should still be moments in your relationship where you do feel excited—excited to see your partner, excited for them to come home from work that day, excited to go on a date with them, excited to go to a social event together. If you’re always indifferent towards everything and feel as though it’s just “what you need to do” in your relationship—it’s a tell-tale sign that you’re just comfortable with your partner, rather than in love with them.
2. Ambivalence vs. Certainty:
Not everyone you date is going to be “the one,” but, if you’re with someone you love, you know that there’s a chance they could be. If you’re feeling as though you are unsure if someone you’re with long-term is the one you want to spend your life with, it’s a pretty big question you need to face. Too often, people stay in a relationship for the fear of being alone and not wanting to encounter “loneliness.” But, they end up settling for a partner they aren’t truly in love with or want to be with forever. By doing this, you ultimately end up resenting the person you’re dating and resenting yourself for not facing these problems before you got “stuck.”
3. Effort vs. Nonchalant:
Every person in a relationship should be putting effort into their relationship at all times. Sometimes, when life gets hectic, you may put in less effort than normal. But, overall, each person in a relationship should contribute to it. If your partner or you are very “nonchalant” and passive about your relationship—you’re constantly just settling on things, keeping them the same, not changing things up or putting life into your love—it’s a pretty big red flag.
4. Living vs. Watching:
When you’re in love with someone, you want to experience life with them. No matter how busy that life may get, you find time for new experiences, new travels, new events to do together. When you’re just comfortable, you spend the majority of your time doing the same old song and dance, you’re too tired to go out, you don’t want to spend the money, you’d rather just go to bed early. Sure, some people can’t always go out – but there are dozens of ways to go out without spending money that can still be incredible and worth-while – it’s about whether or not you care enough to make it happen.