Before I Walk Away, This is What I Have to Say

Why does it feel like this is never ending? You’re supposed to be my forever, but not in this way. I know where I’m supposed to be when it’s you and me, together. But when we’re not, when we’ve hit rock bottom, I can’t even find my way out of this darkness let alone my way back to your side.

I’d make the effort to choose you every single day, but I won’t keep fighting for it as if this is the norm. I can’t stay with you if it means staying in this cycle.

And you can tell me that it’s different, that we know better, we’ll do better, we’ll be better. But we’ve been here too many times for me to believe that. Please don’t get me wrong, I trust you and I trust that you would do what it takes to make this work, but there’s a reason we can’t seem to get our forever and it’s much bigger than just you and I.

I can’t stay this time. The love is here, I know that, trust me I know that. But fighting for it when we’re in such a dark place and you feel so far out of reach seems useless. I’m not even sure we would still fit together because honestly, too much has changed. Everything has changed me that I can’t keep carrying on like this is fine, that fighting is fine, that you and I are fine.

I want to love you but I can’t anymore.

I feel like we’re in this marathon and we’re supposed to reach the finish line, but our bodies are giving up and we just need to stop. It’s hurting too much, my heart is cramping and I’m ready to call defeat.

It’s a devastating feeling to admit this and even harder to share with you.

You have shared a love with me that I’ll never regret. You have given me something that I can’t live without. I hope you know that I’ve meant every word I’ve ever said to you because you have meant everything to me.

So seeing your heartbreak because I won’t let you come closer and save me anymore isn’t easy. But please don’t try to change my mind. Don’t ask me to stay. I can’t love you anymore. I know it sounds so cruel but I’m doing this for you too.

We need to end this because we need to live and not just survive.