Sure, going out on dates can be fun and exciting, potentially leading to new relationships (or even just decent sex) — unfortunately, the probability of having one of these “good” dates is rarely in your favor. You’re far more likely to wind up seated across from someone nice yet underwhelming, with whom you experience zero chemistry whatsoever.
But, hey: it could always be worse! You could be like one of these poor Redditors, all of whom have spectacularly cringe-worthy dating stories.
It’s enough to have you reconsidering whether staying single isn’t the more enjoyable option …
1. Important: telling someone you want to wear their skin is a major turnoff.
“It was a blind date, we met up at a coffee shop close to our university. He was very high, and it was hard to get a conversation going. He just kept telling me I was as beautiful as the brick wall we were sitting next to, and that my skin looked soft enough to be made into a nice robe. The date lasted maximum 15 minutes.”
2. I mean, the psychic wasn’t wrong…
“He took me to go see a psychic, who proceeded to tell him that we wouldn’t last as a couple and would end up splitting up. On the 2 hour drive home he cried and said he didn’t see the point in dating if we weren’t going to end up in a proper relationship.
I just wanted to get the hell out of there, but to make matters worse, when he pulled up outside my house he locked me in his van and wouldn’t let me out. Oh and then he would watch me from his van for about 3 weeks afterwards and ring my phone continuously so I couldn’t use it.”
3. This girl forgot to mention some pretty important information.
“A friend set me up with a girl he knew. She was cute, funny, smart, everything you hope for in a blind first date. After spending a good part of the day with her, we end up at this frozen yogurt spot. We talk for a bit and she mentions how much fun she had today. Then she says how much her boyfriend would like this spot and that we should all hang out next week. Never asked that friend to set me up ever again.”
4. Yet more proof that Tinder is a minefield…
“Guy showed up drunk. Told me for half an hour straight how much his life sucked, how he had a hangover from the night before and how he had to go partying again although he did´t really want to.
Didn´t ask me one single question about me, was really completely uninterested. Needless to say I did not join him when he went to said party. Went home instead, when I arrived home he had already unmatched me on tinder.”
5. This guy is really setting the bar for men comically low.
“He was more than three hours late, and was texting me telling me that he was 20 minutes away for two of those hours.
As soon as he arrived he tried to tell me to leave the part of the venue/dive bar I’d already paid in to so we could go where he wanted, tried to start a fight with a friend I’d happened to run into, and called my aunt (who’d talked me into going out with him in the first place) a ‘cockblocking bitch.’
I just walked away from him after that last one, and we never spoke again.”
6. Poor Furby.
“I dabbled into some online dating a while back when I was single. This one guy refused to meet me inside the coffee shop.
Stupid me decided ‘I’ll meet him outside anyways.’ We walked around the little mall for a bit chatting about our jobs and such and what he wanted to do after our little ‘date.’ He ends up driving me home and showed me this Furby that he claims he likes to punch when he’s mad and busts out the ‘so can I get in your pants or naw?’”
7. Welcome to: every woman’s menstrual nightmare.
“My first date when I was 15. Got my period but didn’t notice it since I was too excited. On our way out, every single person in cafe noticed it since my whole ass was, actually, covered in blood. Never called me after that.”
8. Well…at least she got Taco Bell?
“A guy I worked with asked me out on a dinner date. He picked me up on time and, as we headed toward our dinner destination, he parked at an out of the way stop sign and proceeded to grope me.
He grabbed at my crotch and breasts then got upset when I told him to stop. He got flustered and drove us to a Mexican restaurant but decided to use the drive-through. He asked what I wanted but refused to order anything for himself.
When my food was handed over through the window he then drove off, claiming that he didn’t have any money to pay and that he wanted to drop me off because he had other things to do. (Obviously NOT me.)”
9. Nothing like getting to know one another over bins of basketball shorts!
“I didn’t know what he had planned for our first date. He picked me up and took me to a different city, to shop (for) gym clothes for him … since I couldn’t leave I endured, pissed. After a while, we had tea (from a really crappy place) and I had to pay for it because ‘he didn’t have money.’”
10. Hopefully his date wasn’t in the splash zone.
“I once puked on myself during a double date.”
11. A hit-and-run is obviously the most romantic way to start a date.
“This was more funny than bad but probably is the worst I have been on. I was on a Tinder date over a year ago and agreed to meet this girl to go for ice cream. She said she would pick me up along the way and within 30 seconds of meeting her, she reversed straight into my neighbour’s parked car.
Not knowing what to do I let her get out and check for damage, she said it was fine and drove off. I looked in the wing mirrors and saw a big dent in the car, she also had a big dent in her car. Needless to say, it was an awkward ice cream and we did not see each other again.”
12. This guy really sounds like a keeper.
“He told me he only dates Asian or Mexican women … I’m white.”
13. Dinner = obligatory blowjob?
“I went out for dinner and a movie with a guy. I tried to chip in money at both, but he insisted that he cover it all. At the end of the night, we’re sitting in his car in the parking lot of the restaurant we had just eaten at, and he asks for a BJ saying ‘I mean, I bought you dinner and took you to a movie, it’s the least you can do’. Thankfully I lived nearby, I hopped out and walked home.”
14. I hope that sweater wasn’t her favorite.
“I went on a Tinder date with a guy who is now in my contacts as ‘Donotanswer Penispic.’
Prior to the date he seemed normal. We texted and talked on the phone then arranged to meet at a restaurant/bar.
He was cute but definitely bitter about something. He was from California and apparently didn’t like this new city we were in. He started talking about sex and blow jobs and complaining about how uptight everyone here is about sex.
He invited the waitress to a party his company was throwing, after sending back the French fries he ordered.
I showed him a picture of my dog on my phone; he took out his phone and showed me a picture of his penis.
We walked out of the restaurant together to get our cars from the valet. My car came first and I left. He texted me later that he had my sweater (apparently I dropped it on the way out) and if I wanted to see it again I’d have to hang out with him.
15. This guy fell spectacularly … in love.
“Back in college, I was invited to an ice rink with a girl I liked and some of her friends. I did not know how to ice skate and I did not pick it up very quickly but I wanted to try and impress her somehow. Well, I hugged the wall the whole time and made a fool of myself. The highlight was when I saw a flash of light as I fell in front of a group of people. Turns out I had fallen right at the moment someone took a picture so my failure was immortalized forever. She took me back to my apartment and ended the relationship before it began.
On a lighter note, the woman who is now my wife was at that ice rink on that night. We didn’t realize we were there the same time until a year or two into our relationship and she exclaimed ‘You were that guy who couldn’t ice skate! Yeah, she didn’t seem that into you.’”
16. I don’t think he’s offering to fix her A/C …
“Guy told me he just recently got out of a long-term relationship so he wasn’t looking for a commitment but asked me if he could be my ‘maintenance man’ as he stroked his penis through his jeans.”
17. Um, would you rather just go on a date with yourself, buddy?
“Meet a guy from OKCupid. He seems nice, but never stops talking. After interrupting me for the 3rd or 4th time, I finally ask him ‘Do you want to hear anything I have to say?’ He apologizes profusely, says ‘You’re right, I’m so sorry!’ and pulls out a pad of paper and a pen. He then jots notes as I’m telling him about myself and whatnot.
I finally ask him what he’s doing and he says ‘Oh, I’m writing down things I want to tell you when it’s my turn to talk again.’”
18. This is why you always double-check your texts before hitting “send.”
“I was on a first date with a girl I had met through doing some community theatre. We’d gone to the movies to see Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. Before the movie, we were chatting and slowly realizing that it definitely wasn’t meant to work out. We just had too many conflicting interests and opinions. It made the experience incredibly uncomfortable, especially because we started lightly arguing over things like politics and religion. I was young and I was an idiot.
Anywho, before the movie started I texted another friend of mine to tell her (the friend) how terribly the date was going. And then I heard that fateful sound. Immediately after clicking “send” on my phone, my date’s phone chimed. She pulled it out of her purse and read whatever text had come in. She then slowly turned to me and asked …
‘Did you MEAN to send that to me?’”
19. I guess this is one of the few clowns who doesn’t appreciate being a punchline…
“Not the worst, but definitely the weirdest. I was on a date with this girl who seemed great. Good looking, funny, shared similar interests. First date, and we’re sitting in some bar that she’s a regular at discussing ourselves, when it starts getting to the basic first date questions.
‘So, you said you work in an office but is that what you really want to do?’ I asked. ‘Did you go to school for it?’
‘Actually…’ She says, reaching into her bag. ‘I’m currently going to clown school.’
I shit you not, this girl had pulled out a red fucking clown nose and put it on. Now, if this was our third date, I would have been less shocked. However, we had been talking for a week and this is the first date. We are supposed to IMPRESS each other. But she was good looking, and I wanted to hook up.
‘Oh! That’s so cool. I didn’t know clown school was actually a thing.’
‘Oh, no, it’s competitive!’
‘I had no idea. So are you in clown university, clown college, clown technical school?’
And then she took my joke as an attack.
For a clown she had a terrible sense of fucking humor.”